USA [SIC] -- The White House today declared an emergency over the dearth of
available pejorative nicknames the President uses to demean political rivals,
members of the media, and "people he just doesn't like."
"We're at a crisis point," said White House spokesperson Sarah Huckabee Sanders. "We've gone full circle and are repeating ourselves with names like 'Little' Marco Rubio and 'Little' George Stephanopoulos, or 'Crooked' Hillary and the 'Crooked' Media."
In the past, Trump has riveted his followers by creatively insulting rivals with such colorful nicknames as "Lyin'" Ted Cruz, "Crazy" Bernie Sanders, and "Low Energy" Jeb Bush.
"The days of 'Goofy' Elizabeth Warren are over," said spokeswoman Sanders. "The President's base responds to middle school name-calling like nobody's business, and we've got to give the people what they want. We'd like to expand our repertoire to include less repetitive, hard-hitting nicknames. Like 'Booger Face' or 'Dork Breath.'"
Sanders conceded that the White House has assembled a team to produce creative nicknames but they aren't making much progress, having come up with names such as "Really Tall" James Comey and "German Lady" Angela Merkel.
"Their hearts aren't in it," Sanders said. "That's why we're appealing to the base to send us creative, offensive nicknames the President can use to detract people from what he's really saying."
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"We're at a crisis point," said White House spokesperson Sarah Huckabee Sanders. "We've gone full circle and are repeating ourselves with names like 'Little' Marco Rubio and 'Little' George Stephanopoulos, or 'Crooked' Hillary and the 'Crooked' Media."
In the past, Trump has riveted his followers by creatively insulting rivals with such colorful nicknames as "Lyin'" Ted Cruz, "Crazy" Bernie Sanders, and "Low Energy" Jeb Bush.
"The days of 'Goofy' Elizabeth Warren are over," said spokeswoman Sanders. "The President's base responds to middle school name-calling like nobody's business, and we've got to give the people what they want. We'd like to expand our repertoire to include less repetitive, hard-hitting nicknames. Like 'Booger Face' or 'Dork Breath.'"
Sanders conceded that the White House has assembled a team to produce creative nicknames but they aren't making much progress, having come up with names such as "Really Tall" James Comey and "German Lady" Angela Merkel.
"Their hearts aren't in it," Sanders said. "That's why we're appealing to the base to send us creative, offensive nicknames the President can use to detract people from what he's really saying."
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