60 Greatest Songs of All Time

It's no revelation to say that as the Internet expands the screaming out there gets louder and louder as the need to be heard is drowned out by the screaming of everyone else's need to be heard, and the tricks and postings and whatever it is you do get more outrageous, more gimmicky, more unbelievable, and of course more shameful. And more fun to read.

Glad you agree, because that's what I'm doing here.

I've always liked the lists: The 10 Best Vegetables for Heart Health, the 10 Worst Moments in Elvis's Costume History. Or the 20 Best Excuses for Bailing Out on Your Meeting with the Fiancé and Wedding Planner for a Sox-Yankees Game at Fenway with your Buds. Too close to home? Whatever, lists are the best, and let's face it, the easiest writing to come up with.

Because it all boils down to your own, therefore of course more valid, opinion. List-making is the most narcissistic way of communicating , and the most fun because, hey, who can argue with your opinion?

Everyone, as it turns out.

Everybody and their mother-in-law weighs in on the lists that populate our popular culture, from the Cosmo "10 Things He Likes In Bed but Will Never Tell You" (and why wouldn't he, pray tell? Because they're unsanitary and possibly illegal), to the Best Colleges lists, to the Oscars.

So the other day I was thinking about the 60 Best Songs ever written and recorded. Ever. From classical to opera to pop, reggae, country, folk, instrumental, vocal, etc. Especially etc. This list has been exhaustively researched, meticulously constructed through rigorous, peer-reviewed scientific methodology, and written in the utmost secrecy during my lunch hour.

So of course here it is. Note that I've listed the artists whose recordings of the tune I preferred, not necessarily the writer or the original artist:

1. The Weight -- The Band

2. Try a Little Tenderness -- Otis Redding

3. Friend of the Devil -- Grateful Dead

4. What's Going On -- Marvin Gaye

5. Redemption Song -- Bob Marley

6. Angel From Montgomery -- John Prine

7. Somewhere Over the Rainbow -- Israel "IZ" Kamakawiwo'o

8. Ooh La La -- Ronnie Lane

9. Unchained Melody -- Righteous Brothers

10. Bohemian Rhapsody -- Queen

11. Young Americans -- David Bowie

12. Woza Friday -- Johnny Clegg and Juluka

13. Thunder Road -- Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band

14. Sweet Emotion -- Aerosmith

15. I'll Take You There -- Staples Singers

16. Bolero -- Maurice Ravel

17. Just Like a Woman -- Bob Dylan

18. You Really Got Me -- The Kinks

19. Just Lose It -- Eminem

20. Free Nelson Mandela -- The Special AKA

21. I Got You (I Feel Good) -- James Brown

22. Incident on 57th Street -- Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band

23. One Way Out -- Allman Brothers Band

24. Rhapsody in Blue -- George Gershwin

25. Wish You Were Here -- Pink Floyd

26. Sympathy for the Devil -- Rolling Stones

27. Me and Bobby McGee -- Janis Joplin

28. You've Lost that Lovin' Feeling -- Righteous Brothers

29. In the Mood -- Glenn Miller Band

30. Jersey Girl -- Tom Waits

31. Ain't Misbehavin' -- Fats Waller

32. Son of a Preacher Man -- Dusty Springfield

33. My Sharona -- The Knack

34. God Only Knows -- The Beach Boys

35. Shout -- The Isley Brothers

36. The Boxer -- Simon and Garfunkel

37. Strange Fruit -- Billie Holiday

38. Blue Bayou -- Linda Ronstadt

39. Crazy -- Patsy Cline

40. London Calling -- The Clash

41. Blitzkrieg Bop -- The Ramones

42. Heartbreak Hotel -- Elvis Presley

43. Lust for Life -- Iggy Pop

44. Fortunate Son -- Creedence Clearwater Revival

45. White Rabbit -- Jefferson Airplane

46. Hey Jude -- The Beatles

47. Thick as a Brick -- Jethro Tull

48. Rocky Mountain Way -- Joe Walsh

49. Mack the Knife -- Bobby Darin

50. Smells Like Teen Spirit -- Nirvana

51. Paradise by the Dashboard Light -- Meat Loaf

52. Sweet Jane -- Lou Reed

53. Faith -- George Michael

54. I Love Rock and Roll -- Joan Jett and the Blackhearts

55. Gimme Shelter -- The Rolling Stones

56. Folsom Prison Blues -- Johnny Cash

57. Just My Imagination (Running Away with Me) -- The Temptations

58. The Heart of the Matter-- Don Henley

59. Edge of Seventeen -- Stevie Nicks

60. One for My Baby (and One More for the Road) -- Frank Sinatra

Riding the Buss

"A kiss," that iconic song tells us, "is still a kiss. A sigh is just a sigh." Well, not exactly, as anyone who’s done more sighing than kissing knows. As in most married people. Actually, my wife and I do manage to sneak in kisses here and there, meaning we have a busy household and she's running kids around and I work late and there never seems to be any time except at breakfast while she's making pancakes and I'm emptying the dishwasher, so it’s a peck. Good morning. After we've brushed our teeth.

I’m not suggesting our love life has suffered because we’re forced to kiss while breakfast is erupting into flames on the stove behind us. Quite the opposite. It's just at this point in our lives we simply have come to realize that kissing is less important to the harmony of our relationship than, say, taking out the garbage. But when we do get a chance to truly lock lips on the rare occasion that we've found a moment, I have to say it’s a whole lot better than sorting through the recyclables.

No Thanks, We're Married
That's taking into account, again, that we're married. Anyone who has been married or dated for more than 15 minutes knows the downside of relationships. The quantity, and quality, of your smooching exist in inverse proportion to the number of years you've been together. Take a moment to recall, without embarrassing yourself, your wedding night. Or a memorable occasion with the love of your life. I’m guessing that every one of those kisses left you breathless with passion. These days you still become breathless but it’s because, let’s face it, you're middle-aged and out of shape.

That is to say, over the years kissing seems more and more like going to the dentist: it's a scheduled but necessary activity that involves a long wait followed by strange vibrations in your gums, and a rinse. Here, by the way, I am not using "kiss" as a euphemism for anything beyond a meeting of the lips--unless you want to infer and take it to its ultimate conclusion, which, of course, I did while I was thinking about it.

The Thais that bind
Kissing, then, is always done best and best done by the young and hearty. That’s why I wasn’t surprised when I read about Ekkachai and Laksana Tiranarat, a young couple from Thailand, who on this past Valentine's Day--of course--defeated 13 couples in a Guinness world record contest for longest kiss. They rode a buss uninterrupted for 46 hours, 24 minutes and 9 seconds. The previous record was 32 hours, nothing to sneeze at. One would hope.

Well, more power to them. When you’re 20-something and have lips of steel, 46 hours of frivolous and basically incomprehensible behavior is expected. I think you remember. I, on the other hand, though I love my wife, am not about to suggest we enter any kissing contests. I'm simply not the man I used to be, if indeed I ever was the man I used to be.

Besides, there are logistics to think about. Have you recently spent nearly two full days without seeing a bathroom? It’s not something that immediately comes to mind as beneficent, though I suppose if I did my doctor might at least excuse me from prostate exams for the next few years. Suppose you get the hiccups, or a more severe form of gastrointestinal upheaval. Use your imagination. Proximity does not always breed intimacy.

Taxing
And consider the time element. Here are a few other things you can do in 46 hours: Watch an entire season of "Swamp People." Almost finish doing your taxes. Complete an average, American, 46-hour work week (according to the National Sleep Foundation, my patron organization).

I'd do pretty well anything to avoid doing my taxes, but not, as it turns out, competitive kissing. Still, I'm not worried about our relationship. As the song says, "The fundamental things apply, as time goes by." Like taking out the garbage.